Wait and See or Act Now?
Maya’s parents noticed in kindergarten that she had trouble learning her letters and the corresponding sounds. While she loved listening to stories read aloud and could understand the characters and the storyline, she just did not want to look at books. If she did “have to” look at books, she often gravitated to the same books she knew by heart. Her kindergarten teacher told her parents to just “wait and see”.
Then, by the end of the 2nd grade, Maya completely shut down. Her teachers thought, “She just wasn’t trying,” and tried to give her rewards if she could just sit and focus on reading. Maya looks back on this time with sadness. Maybe she would not have felt so stupid if she had understood that she learned differently. Maya remembers that her mother knew something was wrong but thought the school would be able to help. They did not.
Luckily, by third grade, Maya’s mother paid for psychoeducational testing. Maya was diagnosed with a brain-based reading disability, dyslexia (that does not mean that letters are seen as backward). While Maya received some phonics intervention, some intensive tutoring, and information about her learning, she was not told about her reading disability until high school. She spent most of her elementary school years thinking she was dumb and wondering why she had to get tutoring all the time.
As parents, we want to protect our children. We tell them they are “smart” even though they can see and feel they are different. Maybe we are worried about having a daughter different from our friends’ kids, so we refuse to listen to our gut. We try to “protect” our daughters from thinking they have weaknesses or need help. Sometimes it is painful to remember our learning journeys, so we refuse to seek help. But remember, as hard as it is….it is not about US! Don’t wait- learn about what is causing the difficulty and embrace it!
Even the youngest children know when they learn differently from their peers. Our daughters do not believe us when we try to explain away their differences without being honest. If your daughter struggles to read, write, or understand mathematical concepts in elementary school, she will not just “grow out of it”. Consider talking to a learning specialist or administrator at the elementary school. And don’t stop if they say, “Oh, she is fine”. Trust your gut. Remember, girls’ struggles are often not detected in schools.
What To Do More:
Early intervention is key. If your daughter is struggling in kindergarten, find out more through testing and talking to a professional.
Know the signs of dyslexia. Overcoming Dyslexia by Sally Shaywitz has all you need to know. (Sometimes this can be trouble rhyming, hearing sounds, knowing what letter goes with the sound, or avoiding anything written.)
Realize that “toughing it out” does not work; it is not a motivation issue.
Help your daughter have positive experiences with competency in other areas of school and life. If you focus all your attention on phonics and remediation, you might discourage her other strengths (are these strengths art, theater, entrepreneurship, interpersonal, math?)
Don’t worry if you missed earlier signs. It is never too late to test your daughter and get her accommodations, such as extra time on assessments.
Remember, audiobooks do count as reading! Focus on letting your daughter use as many different modalities to learn as possible- don’t limit her exposure to ideas by making her rely solely on reading. Find videos on interesting topics. Visit and listen to others talk about interesting topics. Use AI and speech-to-text software. Any way information gets in is essential!
Teach your daughter what her reading challenge is and why it is happening. Then try to help her self-advocate. While she might struggle in some areas, she has many strengths in others. “I am not dumb. I have dyslexia, which means my brain has trouble with letters, sounds, and reading. So, my spelling is horrible, but I am really creative and good at problem solving.” (There are so many famous dyslexics- look them up!)
Listen to Episode 017: My Daughter Hates Reading for more ideas about reading and what to do if you are worried about your daughter and her academics.
